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Will you c/c this new poem that I wrote?
I built my dollhouse out of cardboard and leaves
made a pond in the back with ducks but not a swan
was seen, neither enchanted nor doing pirouettes,
I blinked, the rain fell and when I woke up it was gone..
I watched shadows from a low crouch in darkest corner.
There were cups, cans and bottles between me and the unknown.
A river of tears had flooded the place since I last remember;
Perhaps I only drown in them because they are my own.
I laid a faulty foundation for the future. I will suffer
many related incidents of 'I should have's' and "Why did I's"
I'm a doll posed in position in the cardboard mini-kitchen,
having lost the will to dare or dream after aborted tries.
A pond in which I gaze shows distorted self in mockery
of the fact that all of my life I have retained my sovereignty.
First of all I'd like to say I enjoyed reading your poem very much. I'm not an English professor, but I think I may have taken enough college literature classes to say something useful about your poem. The imagery and figurative language are very nice to read. The meaning seems personal, and I'm not sure if I quite know what it is. I guess the third stanza explains it. The poem is about someone who regrets making a series of bad choices that she believes have turned her life into the cardboard facade of a life. I wish I could give you more criticism, but I don't want to give you bad advice as I'm not an expert. I do think though that you may have been overly wordy, although it gave you room to be playful which I enjoyed. I also think parts of the poem verge on being melodramatic, although I've read published poets who were melodramatic, like Randall Jarrell for example. I think the objects and images are somewhat cluttered in the first half of the poem, although after reading the poem a few times I've gotten used to it. Overall, very nice, and I really like the couplet at the end. I suppose after reading the poem a few times your meaning is clear enough. The woman feels mocked that she won't act on her will although she still possesses a will. I think I have known that feeling too.
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